Humor: Leetville Chapter Six
  Leets are the most loved critter in the whole of Rubi-Ka and its hard to resist their childish charm, so naturally, we sent Twicer out to do some research about them but he found himself in way over his head when encountering the small town of Leetville..      
Leetville is story series, describing the ongoing adventures of Twicer as he discovers the wondrous world of Leetville! Special thanks to numerous leets and adventurers as well as Nepentheia. No leets were harmed in this production - Twicer, on the other hand...

Chapter 1 - Click to read Chapter 2 - Click to read
Chapter 3 - Click to read Chapter 4 - Click to read
Chapter 5 - Click to read Chapter 6 - Click to read

Chapter Six
"Follow!" Skittle demanded and Twicer followed the scuttling leet down the pebbled pathway leading past fields of what Skittle told him was Leetnip. Twicer didn't have to guess two times as to the effects of Leetnip, as he could see a leet in the middle of a field trying to chase its own tail, only to fall down giggling maniacally and exhausted when it failed. One group of leets drew his attention however, and found himself wandering over.

As Twicer followed Skittle, he found himself pondering about his situation and the leet way of life. It sure seemed simple enough. Pron, food and the odd rollerrat attack, but was there.. Could there be..
"Hey Skittle?" he asked.
"Say, I was thinking about this place. Seems like you have a nice setup going here, but I haven't seen any culture anywhere, don't leets have anything like that?"
"Culchur?" Skittle asked, still wobbling forwards.
"You know, art, drama! I mean, other than pron..." Twicer said and Skittle shook his head.
"Skittle don't know what you talking about!" the leet beamed happily.
"Drama..." Twicer started and tried to explain it Skittle. Skittle listened attentively and then whapped Twicer over the toe with his tail.
"What do you mean 'to be or not to be'" Skittle asked once Twicer was done with his explanation of the arts.
"That is the question.." Twicer replied without thinking.
"How stupid!" Skittle said and snickered. "To be or not to be. Of course to be! What a stupid human question! Trust humans to not know if they are or not!" and then started waggling off along the road, humming gently as his little feet paddled on the road.

In a way it was bliss, and it was most likely a good thing. Twicer was not certain he wanted the leets of Leetville to dive into the arts - knowing the leet mentality, the odds of someone named Hamleet popping up sooner or later making a play called Romeo and Juleet were overwhelming.

Twicer realized he had been lost in thought as he had followed the leet. They had passed over a hill and Skittle scuttled over to a tree and motioned Twicer with his nose to follow. The hill was overlooking a small lake, the evening stars glittering in the surface as the night rolled in over the skies.

"This is it!" Skittle declared and sat himself down. Twicer sat down besides him and looked over the waters.
"A lake."
Skittle looked at Twicer and rolled his eyes.
"Is it you or all humans state the obvious? Yes, lake!"
"Ah.. It's a.. nice lake?" Twicer ventured. Skittle looked at the lake and sighed heavily.
"Not enough time, never is." the leet said.
"Not enough time?"
"No." Skittle said and maybe it was just the stars reflection in the leets eye sparkling, maybe it wasn't, but the leet looked very fragile and appeared to shake a little.
"Skittle really try hard, so hard! But there never enough time, humans so stupid, not care about important things." Skittle said and closed his eyes. "Always fighting, killing, dying. Always do bad things, makes Skittle feel bad too!"

Twicer wasn't sure what to say. He ran his hand over the leets cheek and caressed it gently. A single tear ran over his finger and Twicer could feel a lump in his throat.
"I'm sorry."
"Skittle sorry too." Skittle said. "Goodbye human, Skittle will remember. Skittle always remember."

Twicer felt a thump on the back of his head which reminded him a lot about the kind of thump he got when Roxxor had applied a baseballbat to it last time, which was not very surprising, since that was exactly what had happened this time as well. As Twicer, for the second time slumped to the ground by the power of Roxxor, Skittle slowly scuttled over and leaned down to Twicer's ear.

"Never enough time to explain how to be happy. So hard." He said and nuzzled Twicer's cheek. "But try to remember, silly human."

"Huh!" Twicer came to and raised his head above the ground. What had happened? 'Get up' his brain said, and on the second attempt he succeeded to get himself up to his knees. His head hurt, as did his nose for some peculiar reason. He had been sent here to study leets, he could remember that much. What had happened after that? A rock on the ground was partially covered in blood. Twicer was wondering why his brain wasn't making sense and he tried to remember. There was something about his camera, wasn't there? So hard to think for some reason.

At least it wasn't as bad as the reclaim but it still hurt. For a split second Twicer's mind was filled with clouded images of a starry-eyed leet. He fumbled around in the grass, then got up on shaking legs and rubbed his head.
"Remember!" his mind screamed at him. He brushed his armor off and walked away, heading back towards civilization, unaware of the multitude of eyes watching him from the bushes.

"Does he suspect?" Roxxor whispered.
"If Izzy make drugs properly, human forget everything." Haxxor said and looked at Izleeter, who didn't look back. He had given the instructions to Sumo. It was in the hands of the leety gods now.
"If he remembers, others will come." Roxxor said darkly.
"Leets always do fine. Humans never know where to look. So stupid!" Izzy grumbled and turned around and scuttled away, Roxxor and Haxxor following the inventor, leaving a sole leet in the bushes.

"Skittle remember you always." It said. "Even if you stupid. Try to remember Skittle, human. Try really hard." Skittle hung his head and sobbed.

Just as he turned around to head back to the village, something shone in the grass. Skittle dared himself to inspect what it was and inched closer to the spot where the stricken Twicer had woken up. In the high grass lay Twicer's camera and beside it a photograph which mostly seemed to consist of the horrified look of Bucky's face. At the bottom of the photograph there was a scribbling, done hastily and even though the words were few, Skittle knew it in his heart that the human wasn't lost to him and that he would return with muffins enough for everyone. It merely said,

"I remember you"

Cast in order of Appearance

Twicer - Himself
Twicer Stuntdouble - Oggyman
Skittle the Feral - Himself
Roxxor - Himself
Mojo The High Priest - Byrn
Bucky the Leet - Ellusion
Acoleet Guard - Bakaneko
Acoleet Guard - Hashbang
Nosey Acoleet - Jayde
Blind Banzai Leet - Engelen
Bruce Leet - Smuzz
Izleeter the Inventor - Dr.Snurre
Sumo - Thundera
Terri The Healeet - Ziana
Flashing Leet - XtremTech
Cheerleader - Seducera
Cheerleader - Marise
Cheerleader - Marisha
Cheerleader - Brutalthug
Cheerleader - Sinmara
Teh Invisible Monkey - Ipex
Rollerrat Matriarch - Marius
Rollerrat #3 - CZ
Cuddlegit the Taxation Officer - Winterizer
Sneek - Arre
Freek - Krystanova
Bob The Drummer - Lars Ulrich
Haxxor - Himself

Production Manager - Smorg Bjorgensen
Production Assistant - Horg Smorgensen
Floor Manager - Jorg Jorgensson
Lighting Cameraman - Norg Horgensenson
Special Effects - Industrial Leet and Magic™
Graphics - Funcom
Costume - Weta Workshop
Leet Groomer - Nepentheia
Executive Producer - Twicer
Directed by - Twicer

LeetTech™ is a trademark of Leet Enterprises©2002

Theme Song "Phear the Leeter" produced and performed by
The Leetles

Available in Dolby Digital Surround™

No leets were harmed in this production.
No. Seriously. We mean it. No leets were harmed.

Chapter 1 - Click to read Chapter 2 - Click to read
Chapter 3 - Click to read Chapter 4 - Click to read
Chapter 5 - Click to read Chapter 6 - Click to read

Last updated 12. January 2004