Humor: Leetville Chapter Four
  Leets are the most loved critter in the whole of Rubi-Ka and its hard to resist their childish charm, so naturally, we sent Twicer out to do some research about them but he found himself in way over his head when encountering the small town of Leetville..      
Leetville is story series, describing the ongoing adventures of Twicer as he discovers the wondrous world of Leetville! Special thanks to numerous leets and adventurers as well as Nepentheia. No leets were harmed in this production - Twicer, on the other hand...

Chapter 1 - Click to read Chapter 2 - Click to read
Chapter 3 - Click to read Chapter 4 - Click to read
Chapter 5 - Click to read Chapter 6 - Click to read

Chapter Four
Twicer ran after the small group of leets consisting of Skittle, Izzy and the newly arrived unknown leet with the spiked helmet. Twicer prided himself being one of the finest runners, having run from a wide selection of enemies, including Hecklers, Horrors, Clans, Eremites and the odd chicken armed with an automated bazooka - however, as his feet skidded across the grass, the leets kept their head-start advantage, their small feet paddling against the ground frantically.

Twicer noticed that the path they were on seemed to lead towards Bruce's Dojo, however, before they reached the dojo the group took a sharp left towards what seemed to be a large wooden gate. He hadn't noticed it before, since it was tucked away between a few trees and would've been very hard to find unless you knew it was there. He noticed other leets scuttling towards the same direction as they were heading - others were rushing into their huts. Twicer almost tripped over one leet which ran into a nearby hut, closely followed by a slam of the door and hammering sounds as it spiked the door shut.

The group ran past a small group of pinetrees and were surprised by a trenchcoat-wearing leet that jumped out in the middle of the road. It was pathetically big on the leet and looked more like an overzealous attempt at a superhero impersonation than anything else. The party skidded to a halt. The sound of the wooden gate giving away grew louder and Twicer could already hear the triumphant squeal of the rollerrats outside as the leet grinned widely.

"Pron!" the leet said and opened the trenchcoat in a flashing manner, rotating its hips. How it managed to open the trenchcoat without any arms or hands was to Twicer a complete mystery and one he did not look forward to examining in detail. Izzy and Skittle looked at each other and then at the attempted flasher.
"Not now! Rollerrat attack!" Izzy huffed and continued down the path as quick as his little feet could carry him. The gate was breached and the all-too-familiar screeching sounds of one rollerrat who had successfully penetrated the defenses of Leetville were heard.
"Bloody hell!" said the leety flasher and sprinted off.

Twicer ran up towards the leets, who had arranged themselves in a square squadron formation, led by Bruce. At the corner of an eye, Twicer could see the tubby shape of Sumo coming down a hill, trying desperately to slow down as the laws of elementary physics and inertia took hold of his body and shot him forwards.

"Outta the way! Incoming!" Sumo cried as he closed his distance between himself and the Ninjakiller Leet Squadron. They just managed to leap aside as the body of Sumo half-rolled, half-ran through them. The rollerrat who had just broken the gate's defenses and flung the gate wide open took one look at the oncoming onslaught that was Sumo and tried to turn around to roll out of the way but was not quick enough.
"..Sq.." it started and then Sumo tackled the rollerrat with a thud. The rollerrat bounced off of Sumo and was sent through the air through the now wide open gate and would probably not land for yet a couple of minutes. Sumo came to a sudden stop, wobbled a bit and then slowly first fell over and then asleep, exhausted from the unwilling charge.

As the Ninjakiller Leetsquadron got up to their feet and reassembled, Twicer could see a troop of smaller leets with pompoms on their tails bounce up and down and waved them in the air. A cheerleading squad? Twicer shook his head to focus and then peered out of the gate at the assembled horde of rollerrats. In the lead were the matriarchs closely followed by the queens and scourgers.
"What's the plan?" Twicer asked Skittle, who was peeking out of the gate as well.
"Plan? Usually plan is we kick their butts!" Skittle replied.
"Rollerrats have butts?"
".. Well, whatever they have, we kick it!" Skittle dismissed the nanomage sharply and nodded towards Bruce the leet. Bruce nodded back and turned to his men.

"For the sake of all that is leety and just!" he shouted. The leets looked to one another and shuffled around hesitantly a little.
"What about for chocolate chip muffins?" one of the leets screamed back and Bruce seemed to think about this for a short while.
"Fine, fine! For the sake of all that is leety and just - and chocolate chip muffins!"
"Bruce, Bruce, he's the leet! If he can't do it, then.. Eh.. Lets run like heck?" The cheerleading squad bounced up and down and waved their pompoms in the air in unison. It wasn't the best battlecry in the world but it worked - and it was certainly better than Twicer's own which more often than he'd like was 'Please don't break my other arm!'. The squadron came to attention and Bruce turned to face the charging rollerrats.
"Charge!" he cried out and the leets paddled out to meet the rollerrats.

"Do something!" Skittle said and whapped Twicer with his tail.
"Me? I thought you said Leets couldn't die!" Twicer looked at the leets as they hit the rollerrats charge dead on. Bruce had taken hold of the rollerrat matriarch's ears and swung it around like a discus thrower and released the matriarch along the ground. It rolled back towards the larger group of rollerrats and threw a multitude of them into the air as the dizzy matriarch rolled right through them like a bowlingball.
"STRIKE!" yelled Bruce, utterly delighted with the perfect wipe out.

"Just do something, stupid!" Skittle said darkly.
Twicer got down to one knee and aimed towards the rollerrat horde. He could feel the nanite energy surge through his body, starting from his stomach and building, churning, exploding through his arm and out the palm of his hand.

The blast scorched one of the charging rollerrats and stopped it dead in its track, the nanites engulfing it in white-hot fire. As the flames licked the rollerrat and fizzled out, it fell over to the side with smoke coming out of its ears. Twicer could see Bruce in the middle of a cluster of rollerrats apparently having the time of his life to the cries of "Hah!", "You call that a kick? Here, let me show you..." and "Feel the powah!". He had single-handedly taken down at least ten rollerrats. Another flash of light penetrated the rollerrats as Twicer fired off yet another blast, toasting another of the rolling and screaming bullies.

Taken by surprise by the counterattack, the rollerrats turned around and fled with Bruce and his Ninjakilling Leetsquadron chasing after them. Twicer could feel the stare of leets upon him and slowly turned around, still with his arm stretched out towards the gate.

The cheerleading Leet troop had gone silent and was staring at his outstretched arm as the dying flicker of the nanites went out and the blue light faded. Around his feet a group of leets had gathered and were shifting their gaze from his face to his hand and then back. Even Skittle was inspecting him.
"uhm.." Twicer started. Izzy pointed with his tail towards Twicer's hand, as the mad inventor's ego took control over the leety brain that was Izleeter and..
"I invented that!" Izzy piped up at the top of his voice as a good portion of misdirected pride and sense of accomplishment filled the leet's heart. The crowd looked at Twicer's hand and then at Izzy.

"Izzy Izzy Izzy!" they cheered and Twicer picked up Skittle in the palm of one of his hands and Izzy in the other and held them aloft to receive the cheering. With a touch of luck, it would mean he would keep his nose and toes later on by giving them this moment of glory.

As the sounds of cheers and joyous screams subsided, Izzy and Skittle turned to Twicer in his palms. Skittle scratched himself behind his ears and leaned his little head to the side.
"Maybe you not so stupid after all." Skittle said and smiled.
"Yes he is." Izzy snickered and Twicer sighed.
"What about Bruce?" he asked as he put the leets down to the ground and sat down, leaning his back against a tree.
"Oh Bruce, don't worry about him. Bruce out kicking butts still!" Skittle chirped.
"Once Bruce came back with sixteen rollerrat hides and a keg of chocolate milk in an annoying beeping backpack and some blue-green helmet between his fanglings! Bruce is weird." Izzy said and shrugged.
"Not like helmet fit anyway!" Skittle said. Twicer rose to his feet and brushed off grass from his clothes.
"Where to next?" he asked, and would come to regret those words.

Chapter 1 - Click to read Chapter 2 - Click to read
Chapter 3 - Click to read Chapter 4 - Click to read
Chapter 5 - Click to read Chapter 6 - Click to read

Last updated 19. December 2003