Humor: Leetville Chapter Three
  Leets are the most loved critter in the whole of Rubi-Ka and its hard to resist their childish charm, so naturally, we sent Twicer out to do some research about them but he found himself in way over his head when encountering the small town of Leetville..      
Leetville is story series, describing the ongoing adventures of Twicer as he discovers the wondrous world of Leetville! Special thanks to numerous leets and adventurers as well as Nepentheia. No leets were harmed in this production - Twicer, on the other hand...

Chapter 1 - Click to read Chapter 2 - Click to read
Chapter 3 - Click to read Chapter 4 - Click to read
Chapter 5 - Click to read Chapter 6 - Click to read

Chapter Three
Skittle's scampering little steps took the duo to a small pathway littered with debris. Various items lay scattered around, some must have been lying here for years, there were grass growing over them, and in some cases, out of them. On the top of the hill Twicer could see a large tree and directly underneath it were two huts. Thick, billowy smoke was coming out of one of the huts, and a short, tubby leet out of the other, covered in soot. It had small goggles and a Rollerrat-helmet, which must've been shrunk in the laundry at least ten times to make it fit.

"Take cover!" the leet screamed as it dived behind Twicer and assumed a rolled-up position behind his foot. Skittle looked at the hut, then at Twicer. Then at the hut again, as if to ascertain what to do. Skittle managed to dive behind Twicer before the explosion sent the smaller of the two huts up in the air like a rocket. Twicer managed to duck just as a flying metal sheet soared through the air threatening to lop off his head. A thunk and a metallic wobbling sound was heard when it settled in a tree behind him.

"Mother of Mocham!" Twicer exclaimed. "What in the world was that?!" while Skittle and the sootcovered leet got on their feet.
"Wtf!" Skittle was in shock and stood on shaking little leety feet.
"Who's the big one?" asked the leet, who Twicer assumed was Izzy, like huts getting blown up was an everyday event. He eyed the nanomage as if he only just now had noticed that his make-do cover was actually attached to a leg, which in turn was attached to.. Something else. Leets knowledge of human anatomy was fairly limited but whatever it was, it was big and had possibly just saved him a few bruises from the flying debris.
"Mine!" chirped Skittle leetily and nuzzled Twicer's foot. "Nuzzly and warm and big. But so stupid!" he added. Twicer sighed and turned to look at the huts again. Where the small hut used to be there were now a cloud of ashenfilled smoke clearing up revealing what once could've passed for scientific equipment but now had been reduced to sooty rubble. In the middle of the Rockethut's launchpad stood a tubby leet swaying back and forth insecurily, smoke coming out of its ears and nostrils. The fur on top of the leet's head had been burnt off in a perfect circle which made it look somewhat like a reversed monk.
"urk" it said and then fell backwards into the soot.
"Sumo!" Izzy the leet screamed. The two leets scuttled into the hut and Twicer kneeled outside it.
"urk" Sumo repeated and then fainted with his tubby legs up in the air. It would've been quite a moving scene if it wasn't for the fact that Sumo started snoring very loudly once he had passed out.
"What happened?" Twicer asked while Izzy shook his helmet off.
"Explosion! You didn't see it?" Izzy chirped. "Skittle was right - you are stupid, stupid, stupid!"
"I mean, why was there an explosion?"
"Oh." Izzy seemed to consider this for a while and scratched the back of his ear. "Sumo say 'this part go here?' then Izzy say 'no' but Sumo still put that part there. Then.. Boom! Sumo almost as bright as you, eh? Hehe." Izzy snickered and nudged Sumo over to the side.

"Is he okay?" Twicer asked.
"Izzy okay!" Izzy said, deciding for himself that something must've hit the stupid human on the head in the blast after all.
"Izzy fine - Sumo the hurt one!" Skittle explained to Twicer, as Izzy inched over to a chest which had come out of the blast relatively unscathed, lifted the lid on it and took out some bandages. The roll of bandages rolled towards Twicer and the leets looked at him expectantly.
"Yes, yes, all right then" Twicer bandaged up Sumo's head the best he could which resulted in Sumo looking like a leet with a mummy-fetish.

Twicer picked up sumo using both his hands to carry him into the larger hut. He had to use both hands, as lifting Sumo was about as easy as lifting a miniature bulldozer. Whatever Sumo had been eating, it was probably at least triple rations, Twicer thought. Skittle and Izzy wobbled into the hut closely followed by the lumbering nanomage. Twicer had imagined the hut to be adorned with the same sort of leety sense of interior decorating that was Skittle's hut, perhaps with the exception of the Herculeet-poster. However, the huts interior was filled to the brim with scavenged technological items, although Twicer had to admit that some had been modified beyond comprehension. Others were obviously broken, and yet others must be working since once in a while a small diode came to live and went "You have voicemail".
"Stfu! Stfu!" Izzy mumbled, and hurriedly covered the answering machine and manically pressed a few buttons which belonged to something completely different. The diode went silent after a short time and Izzy beamed.
"LeetTech!" he said proudly. "Izzy invented that... thingy!" Izzy continued and his leety little chest sucked in so much air that he looked like the proudest little balloon leet ever seen on the face of Rubi-Ka.
"No you didn't!" Twicer protested. "Its just junk that's been.."
"IZZY. INVENTED. IT!" Izzy stared coldly into the eyes of the nanomage and while Twicer felt like protesting, he also favored a continued use of his big toes and sagged down and nodded grumpily.
"Izzy invent lots of kewl stuff!" Skittle said and nuzzled what looked like a very old cyberdeck. Twicer prayed silently that it still had the unique DNA-identification activated, or there could very well be another blast and Sumo was already bald - any more hairloss and they might as well shave him and paint him red and he might've passed off for a rollerrat. He had the shape for it, certainly.
"Oh, yes, I can see - lots of.. Eh.. Neat stuff in here definitely!" Twicer agreed while trying to identify the various items scattered across what could have been a living room. "You've been doing this long then?" he asked.
"Izzy inherit business after great grandpa since he left us!" Izzy chirped happily.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that your grandpa is dead, I really am" said Twicer.
"Not dead! Leets don't die! Grandpa invent long pointy rockety thing with chair attached to it, then grandpa press big red button and went 'Oh, shi-' and zoomed away!" Izzy beamed. Twicer said nothing at first but let the words slowly settle in his mind.
"This long pointy rockety thing.. You don't think it was anything like say... a rocket?"
"Izzy don't know, Izzy took cover under the table!" Izzy chirped and wiggled his tail.
As Twicer began constructing a sentence, he was interrupted by a groaning sound coming from Sumo who had elevated his head slightly to look at the ensemble. This involved him looking over his tummy, quite the achievement considering Sumo was about 90% tummy.
"Urk" the leet said as it slowly raised to its stumpy little leetlegs and sat up.
"Welcome back!" chirped Izzy and nuzzled Sumo's nose on the side.

After Sumo had been sent off to Terri the Healeet ("Heal leet..? Ow! My toe!" .. "Stupid human!") to get his head examined, Izzy had insisted on showing Twicer and Skittle around the premises. Or to be more precise, the back of the hill on which the hut stood. Twicer had been hesitant at first but Skittle had put on his best puppyeye-look and threatened him to nibble him, so here they were, in the backyard. Izzy had pointed out various items he had invented since his grandpa had left the business and while most of it looked like it had been modified by simply gluing various bits and pieces together, Twicer found to his amazement that some of the items actually worked. Especially bewildering this was in cases when Twicer knew the item should by no standards work, like the combined toaster oven/hologram projector which simply was held together by some duct tape but regardless worked like a charm. Every time the toaster oven ejected, the hologram projector would display a hologram of a leet dancing for a few seconds.

Back on old earth existed a creature called bumblebees. By the laws of thermodynamics, bumblebees could under no circumstance fly. However, as no one had told the bumblebees this, they continued doing it regardless of what the laws of thermodynamics deemed possible. Twicer assumed that the technology worked because, like the bumblebees of old earth, it just didn't know better.

Twicer's eyes fell upon a strange machine which seemed a bit more put together than the other inventions. It consisted of a large, hollow tube with a giant battery attached to the back of it and a multitude of optical scanning instruments and arms tooled for various tasks. Furthermore it had a large chute sticking out of its side. Seemingly leading into the weirdlooking tube.
"What's this thing here?" Twicer asked pointing to the invention.
"Oh that. That's just the Leetbot massproducer." Izzy shrugged and began trodding off hurriedly but found his leety paws trying to paddle air as Twicer lifted him up and looked into his eyes with disbelief.
"The what?!"
"Leetbot massproducer! Let me go, stupid!" Izzy said and paddled frenetically in the air while he squirmed in Twicers hands.
"Show me." Twicer demanded and put the leet down on the ground.

For a second, Izzy pondered whether to bite Twicer's toe or not. At this specific time it seemed like a bad idea. Instead, Izzy walked up to the massproducer and as he studied it, the leet's eyes became clearer and eons of inventor-specific genes were summoned upon. Looking at the leet, Twicer could for a split second see what sort of genius had spawned the invention. The leet had the look of someone possessing a very special kind of intelligence, one that could be called upon when it was really needed and Twicer found himself looking at the leet in a new way. On the one hand, there was Izzy, the slightly confused dingbat but the leet in front of him right now was Izleeter the scientist and Twicer was in awe of him. In his eyes lay the gleam of an intelligence beyond comprehension. Izleeter scuttled up to what looked like a keypad controller and hit a few buttons and the machine came to life. Electric bolts licked the inside of the hollow tube and the sprawling arms came to life. Izleeter turned to Twicer and pointed with his nose against some metallic plates lying near the machine. Twicer picked them up and on the instruction of the leet heaved them into the chute.

"LeetTech! LeetTech! LeetTech!" Skittle chanted happily and wiggled his tail. The inventor's eyes had turned back to those of Izzy, the slightly warped technogeek and Twicer gawked.

"But.. this technology doesn't exist!" he finally mustered after some dumbstruck silence. Izzy gave him a knowing little smile, scratched behind his ear and winked at the nanomage. Compared to the other junk, this machine was an engineering marvel and by all rights should not exist. It was like LeetTech had not so much evolved through a string of smaller inventions but rather took giant mutated leaps in evolution. Twicer felt as if he had been shown hypernanite technology built by a civilization that had decided that inventing the wheel was a total waste of time and skipped forwards a few thousand years to focus on the really neat stuff.

"Jobe is pwned." it mused. "Now cuddle Izzy or Izzy tailwhap you!"
Twicer rolled his eyes and sighed and his hands started towards the leet but stopped when he heard a patter of feet behind him. He turned around and found himself facing an out-of-breath leet wearing a small metal helmet with a spike on.

"Its the rollerrats! Come quick!" it cried.

Chapter 1 - Click to read Chapter 2 - Click to read
Chapter 3 - Click to read Chapter 4 - Click to read
Chapter 5 - Click to read Chapter 6 - Click to read

Last updated 19. December 2003