Humor: Leetville Chapter Two
  Leets are the most loved critter in the whole of Rubi-Ka and its hard to resist their childish charm, so naturally, we sent Twicer out to do some research about them but he found himself in way over his head when encountering the small town of Leetville..      
Leetville is story series, describing the ongoing adventures of Twicer as he discovers the wondrous world of Leetville! Special thanks to numerous leets and adventurers as well as Nepentheia. No leets were harmed in this production - Twicer, on the other hand...

Chapter 1 - Click to read Chapter 2 - Click to read
Chapter 3 - Click to read Chapter 4 - Click to read
Chapter 5 - Click to read Chapter 6 - Click to read

Chapter Two
Twicer followed Skittle down a dwindling path that led down to a wall. It seemed to be made out of bamboo and it stretched between two large boulders that effectively blocked off whatever was inside. It had a small sign nailed next to the door. Twicer had to lean down to read it. Then he had to lean down to read it again just in case he had gotten it wrong the first time around.

"This is where we train attack squadron!" Skittle said as they walked through the door in the wall and pointed to a grassy patch full of leets in formation. Twicer remembered the small sign outside.

"A dojo?!"
"Attack Squadron! We call'em Deadly Leet Kamikaze Squadron of Ninjakiller Leet Force" Skittle beamed, his little heart obviously swelling with leety pride. "Leet-Fu, dewd! Powerful stuff!" he added.
"... that's sort of a stupid name." Twicer crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow behind his visor. The leet scratched itself behind the ear and stomped its furry little legs on the ground firmly, burred up and said the one thing leets do when they have run out of witty repartees.
"Stfu" and bit Twicer's big toe.
"Argh! I mean, yes! Nice name! Wonderful!"
"Hehe!" sniggered Skittle. Twicer grunted while massaging his foot with one hand and watching the leets in their white bandanas with the ancient Yin and Yang sign. One leet in the small troop had its bandana accidentally slid down over his eyes, making quite the ruckus amongst its comrades trying to mimic the dojo master's moves while involuntarily blindfolded and as the heartchilling screams of "Banzai" and "Hoot" ebbed out, the blinded leet had toppled over three of his ninjatrainee classmate leets and managed to charge into a nearby bamboowall, knocking itself out in the confusion.
"It would explain the bandanas too."
"Yes. Bananas are nice!"
"No.. bandanas - you know, the.."
"Yes, that's what Skittle said! Bruce trains them, you know." Skittle said sneering a bit and as an afterthought corrected himself in case the stupid human would misunderstood that as well. "Not the bananas that is, the Deadly Leet Kamikaze Squadron of Ninjakiller Leet Force is what he trains. Bruce does it. He's the one over there."
"No, I'm Skittle, he's Bruce, over there! Stupid human!" Skittle pointed with his nose towards the ninjaleet dojo master, standing in Snake and Crane kungfu position, quite an achievement for a leet. Twicer had to admit he was impressed although something on the edge of his mind nudged him carefully and then settled in between two neurons and realization dawned on him.
"Wait.. Bruce Leet?"
"But no.. wait, like.. He's actually called Bruce Leet?"
"OW! My toe! Will you stop doing that!" Twicer's toe was beginning to hurt quite a lot.
"Hehe. Pwned. Now we talk to Bruce!"

"Hey Bruce!" Skittle squealed at the top of his voice and for a moment the concentration of Bruce the leet was broken and while getting into Snake and Crane position for a leet was obviously possible with some strain, getting out seemed like a whole other business. Bruce fell to the floor, rolled towards Twicer and Skittle and darted up to a standing position so fast it looked like he had performed a reverse bungyjump.
"Bruce meant to do that!" he stated, glaring at Skittle.
"So cool! Drunken boxing?" Skittle asked.
"Err.. Yes! Drunken leet boxing!" Bruce said and and then looked at Twicer.
"Wow!" he said with eyes wide open. "Wow!"
"Yes!" Skittle twirped happily.
"That is.. The biggest..." Bruce said and Skittle nodded happily, smiling.
"...stuuuuuupidest looking...."
Skittle nodded some more and snickered leetily.
"... uuuuugliest..."
Nod nod.
"...Rollerrat Bruce has EEEVER seen!"
Nod no-- shake shake shake.
"No! Not rollerrat! Its human! Skittle found him and now it belongs to Skittle! Finder's keeper's!" Skittle huffed and prodded Bruce with his nose.
"Eh. Hello, Bruce." Said Twicer who thought that he should say something.
"Wow! It can talk too! How cool is that!?" Bruce said and got a sinister look on his face. "..But.. Can it fight?"

Twicer was not sure what happened. One second Bruce stood on the floor at his toes. The next, Twicer had a face full of kamikaze ninjakiller leet by the name of Bruce. He tried slapping Bruce away but Bruce had crawled up on Twicer's bald head and Twicer only managed to slap himself in the face much to the amusement of Master Bruce, who was now stomping him on the head.
"Whootan! Kiai! Yalmaha! A-hah-hah! Bruce will win!"
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" Twicer leaned forwards, trying to shake Bruce off his head, which only led to Bruce scampering down Twicer's neck and seemed intent on continuing down into his shirt. Twicer found himself fighting the quickest little leet he'd ever gone up against and to his horror he was apparently losing.

"Too slow! Too slow!" Bruce bridled as Twicer's hands fumbled on his neck after the leet. "Bruce will now demonstrate the sleephold of Wu-Tang Clan!" Bruce placed his little feet on the center of Twicer's neck and Twicer looked at Skittle who was eyeing the ceiling and humming trying to look innocent. The sleephold probably would've worked too, if it wasn't for the simple fact that the anatomy of a leet was completely different from that of the would-be rollerrat that was Twicer.

"May your ears flap in the wind!" cried Master Bruce as the confused Twicer finally managed to shake the leet off himself. Bruce rolled on the ground and rose up facing the wrong direction but spun around quickly to face the nanomage instead. Behind him, the dojo class were watching the fight. One enterprising leet seemed to be taking bets and Twicer found himself wondering what his odds were.

"So! Know how to fight eh?" said Master Bruce. "Ok, ok. No more fighting, ratface!" Bruce said and backed up an inch. Twicer relaxed and let out a heavy sigh and then Master Bruce tackled him in the stomach with a tackle a virulent minibull would've been proud of and fell backwards to the ground with a thud.

"Bruce cant BELIEVE you fell for that one! How stupid you get! Oldest trick in book! A-hah-hah!" Bruce pummeled Twicer's torso with his paws, jumping up and down, frantically stomping Twicer's stomach, which had no effect whatsoever - it was like being hit repeatedly with a small fluffy pillow. Bruce however was convinced he was winning and kept bouncing up and down while Twicer watched.

"By the power of Bruce, do you yield?!" bellowed Master Bruce.
"I give up! I give up!" Twicer said, who had no real will to fight the leet. It was like being attacked by a berserk sheep, only smaller. Master Bruce padded onto Twicer's chest and raised his head high.

"Adriiiaaaaaaaaan!" he bellowed at the top of his lungs and then bounced off of Twicer and onto the floor. The ninjaleet class and Skittle were cheering him on and Twicer could see the mad gleam of insane pride in Master Bruce's eyes and couldn't help but smile.
"What a fun rollerrat!" Bruce chirped ecstatically.
"Not rollerrat but fun!" Skittle agreed as Twicer got to his knees.
"Good to see you again, Skittle" Bruce smiled and nuzzled Skittle on the nose and Skittle cheeped happily while padding his feet on the ground.
"Good to see you again, Bruce!" Skittle beamed and turned to Twicer. "Is Izzy home? Skittle show stupid human around Leetville!"
"I think so" pondered Bruce. "Be sure to wear helmet! He been doing weird stuff again!" he added and turned to the class and Skittle scuttled out from the dojo with Twicer trailing him. Faint thuds and occasional squeals of "Banzai" and "Kamasutra" could be heard from the dojo as Bruce the Leet had a go at his students, probably in an attempt to relive his recent victory.

"Follow! Follow! We go to Izzy now!" chirped Skittle as he followed the path back to the crossroads with Twicer trailing along, inspecting the scenery.
"... Do humans try to be stupid on purpose or comes naturally for you? Maybe you deaf too? Yes, Izzy! Short for Izleeter. He make all our LeetTech!" Skittle said and whapped at Twicer's foot with his tail.
"Ouch! What was that for?"
"You were going to ask another stupid question about LeetTech! Hehe. Now come on, lets go!" Skittle chirped.

Chapter 1 - Click to read Chapter 2 - Click to read
Chapter 3 - Click to read Chapter 4 - Click to read
Chapter 5 - Click to read Chapter 6 - Click to read

Last updated 19. December 2003